LITERARY FALAFEL
December 1st, 2004
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Terror Mood Ring:
Plisraelistine.
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Happy Birthday, Lee Travino!
Blurbs from My Conservative Colleagues for the Back of My New Conservative Book
byMatthew Tobey
“Matthew Tobey’s words are like bubbles of poisonous foamed milk in the double nonfat half-caff lattes of liberal America!”
“Once Matthew Tobey’s book enters the body, it works by stimulating certain opioid receptors that are located throughout the central nervous system, in the brain and along the spinal cord. When Matthew Tobey’s book binds to the opioid receptors, a variety of physiologic responses can occur, ranging from pain relief to slowed breathing to euphoria!”
“Chapters three, eight, eleven and thirty-four are an axis of awesome!”
“I can’t decide if I’d rather fashion Matthew Tobey’s book into a phallus and make sweet love to it or fashion it into a bullet and shoot Bill Clinton in the face with it!”
“Reading Matthew Tobey’s book made me forget the horrors of prison for about five-seconds. Two thumbs up!”
“Matthew Tobey writes with the wit of a latter-day Joe McCarthy and the wisdom of a genetic hybrid of Grover Norquist and Strom Thurmond!”
“I would take the other hand with the baba ghanoush thing and I'd put it on Matthew Tobey’s book’s pussy but you'd have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business!”
“Out-shrugs Atlas Shrugged!”
Matthew Tobey
is an editor for All Movie Guide. By night, he operates the weblog The City of Floating Blogs. By afternoon, he will have thought of at least three things that would have made this bio funnier. He is happily married, used to edit Haypenny and enjoys writing about himself in the third person.