Yankee Pot Roast: Listicles Archives

— Listicles —

The Swiss Miss Index

Amy Halloran

Your guide to Swedes and Swiss.

— Listicles —

50 Unanswered Questions on Lost

Alex Bernstein

What the hell is going on? Does anyone have any Dramamine?

— Listicles —

Terror Alert Levels if D.H.S. Snack Machines Had Been Broken

Katelyn Sack

Death to America by Chocolate

— Listicles —

Things I Have Done for a Klondike Bar

Conor McKeon

What would you do-ooo-oooo for ...?

— Listicles —

Two Palindromes That Express Dislike for the State of Utah

Aaron Belz

Palindromes! Palindromes!

— Listicles —

Observations of Gregory Ash, Trash Culture Snob

Matt Sullivan

* When viewing paparazzi photos, refers the reverent diplomacy of JustJared.com to the nihilistic insouciance of PerezHilton.com

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Nymphomaniacal Russian Ballerinas and Your New Baby: Suspicious Commonalities

Katelyn Sack

Both cry when they don't get what they want...

— Listicles —

P.R. Slogans Considered at the 2010 Pontifical Ad Council on Anglican Conversion

Andy F. Bryan

Vatican City: Come for the Intolerance, Stay for the Guilt

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Southern Church Flavors

Katelyn Sack

The finest flavors from God's kitchen.

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Warning-Label Copy That Would Benefit from Tighter Editing

Nathan Thornton

Careful, the beverage you're about to enjoy may be extremely hot. And there's a good chance you won't even enjoy it, actually. You know how it has that weird burnt taste sometimes, especially when Travis makes it?

— Listicles —

Google Maps Gives Me Directions

Ralph Gamelli

1. Head nowhere - last 10 yrs or so

— Listicles —

The Effects of Global Warning

Katelyn Sack

Color-coded warnings applied to ice-cream supply in school cafeterias

— Listicles —

Overheard at Ted Nugent's Easter Egg Hunt

Joseph S. Pete

Hey, did you take the last Peep? Seriously, man, did you take my last Peep?

— Listicles —

Writers' Blocks

Possible Noms de Plume I Might Use for My Novel / T.S. Eliot's Opinions of the Other Eleven Months / The Steamboat Sessions: Early Musings of Samuel Clemens / Five Early Working Titles for The Vagina Monologues / Great Works of Literature AutoSummarized by Microsoft Office Word 2003 Edition

— Listicles —

Possible Noms de Plume I Might Use for My Novel

Scott Rothman

Fyodor Rudyard Greatwriter and other great fake names.

— Listicles —

Great Works of Literature AutoSummarized by Microsoft Office Word 2003 Edition

Michael Zunenshine

Great Expectations, Moby-Dick, Ulysses, and more in 90 seconds.

— Listicles —

The Steamboat Sessions: Early Musings of Samuel Clemens

Chris Elzinga

I have never let my schooling interfere with my learnin'.

— Listicles —

Five Early Working Titles for The Vagina Monologues

Tyler Stoddard Smith

The Hymen Harangues

— Listicles —

T.S. Eliot's Opinions of the Other Eleven Months

Doug Campbell & Julia McCloy

October? Is that the fat one?

— Listicles —

Reality Horror Shows

Jamie King

Flip This House of Wax

— Listicles —

Yo-Momma-So-Fat Jokes from Bible Camp

Mike Richardson-Bryan

Yo momma so fat, after 40 days and 40 nights of rain, her feet were still dry.

— Listicles —

First Lines of Rejected College Essays

Dan Moreau

College campuses would be much safer places if students were allowed to carry guns.

— Listicles —

Least Popular Facebook Quizzes

Dan Davis

Which Teenage Vampire Would You Support for U.S. Senator? (My result: Bella from Twilight)

— Listicles —

Popular 80s Songs About Zombies

Alexandra Salerno, Katherine Salerno, & Alana Quirk

(I Always Feel Like) Somebody's Eating Me

— Listicles —

Wit of Winston

Gabe Durham

"Cheap and nasty," said Churchill, "How I like my whores."

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Ways in Which Sarah Palin Will Spin Massive Amounts of Snow to Mock Global Warming

Katelyn Sack

Dontcha know it got cold when God heard we were worried 'bout the weather gettin' warmer!

— Listicles —

Lesser-Known Rules of Fight Club

Daniel O'Keefe

We don't beat people in your bathroom; please don't pee in our basement.

— Listicles —

Personal Injury Lawyer Goes on a Date

Janice Chan & Kristin Hillery

"Excuse me while I slip and fall into something more comfortable."

— Listicles —

Oft-Overlooked Winter Olympic Sports

Jocelyn Jane Cox

Bobsledding, skating, and skiing are all great, but don't these other winter sports deserve just as much coverage?

— Listicles —

Several Hotel Heiresses Less Glamorous Than Paris Hilton

Pete Reynolds

From Rio Omni to Amarillo Hojo

— Listicles —

Death by Listicle

Prom Dates from Hell / Other Ways to Skin a Cat / Alternatives to "Finish Him!" in Mortal Kombat / Expiration by Twinkie / Other Things That Are Killing Me Softly

— Listicles —

Other Things That Are Killing Me Softly

Mike Richardson-Bryan

The slow, insidious destruction of the middle class.

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Expiration by Twinkie: Singular Expressions for Uncommon Food-related Deaths

Daniel McArdle

Death by "Death by Chocolate"

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Other Ways to Skin a Cat

Mollie Wells

Tell the cat that skin is an unrealistic standard of beauty perpetuated by the media and Maybelline.

— Listicles —

Alternatives to "Finish Him!" in Mortal Kombat

Mike Richardson-Bryan

"Curtains!"

— Listicles —

Prom Dates from Hell

Harris Bloom

Formal Wear and Pitchforks

— Listicles —

Broadway Listicles

Brutally Realistic Versions of Famous Musicals / How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria? / Ways in Which I Would Refer to Sex if I Were a Bawdy Extra in an English Period Drama

— Listicles —

How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?

Trevor Seigler

Get a restraining order

— Listicles —

Ways in Which I Would Refer to Sex if I Were a Bawdy Extra in an English Period Drama

Michael Baylis

A bit of rum-bob-tiddly.

— Listicles —

Brutally Realistic Versions of Famous Musicals

Daniel McArdle

The Sound of Nazis

— Listicles —

Recession-Era Adult Films

Trevor Seigler

Deep Pockets

— Listicles —

Signs Your Financial Market May Be Suffering from a Gastrointestinal Disorder

Eric Feezell

Increased frequency of plunges.

— Listicles —

Future State-Themed Restaurants

Mike Richardson-Bryan

New Jersey's Hair Rock Café

— Listicles —

Overheard in Spaghetti Warehouse

Kristin Hillery

"Eating the Incredible 15-Layer Lasagna in this trolley car is everything I dreamed it'd be."

— Listicles —

Insatiable Decalogue

Gabe Durham

ACTION/ADVENTURE: An exterminator with an insatiable lust for murder meets an American Champion boxer who is realizing that she has lost the edge that made her an American Champion. He sublimates his sociopath side by channeling his "killer instinct" into training the boxer. After a series of struggle montages, she regains her edge. (Potential Title: "The American Champion II: Killer Instinct")

— Fiction —

The Afghanistan Government's Economic Stimulus Plan

Eric Wiener

Extra funds will be invested in environmentally friendly "sand-colored" jobs as well as toward a ruler to help draw an energy grid.

— Recycled but Re-Relevant —

Beating a Dead Horse
(Triple Crown Equine Nomenclature)

Mike Richardson-Bryan

Suggested Names for Racehorses Expected to Have Undistinguished Careers

— Fiction —

Curious Factoids Revealed by Presidential Historian Doris Kearns Goodwin Following An All-Night Presidents' Day Pub Crawl

Frank Santopadre

To soothe his jangled nerves before an important speech, Andrew Jackson would often toss a small Seminole child into the Potomac.

— Listicles —

Scenes from the Training Montage if Rocky Wanted to Be a World-Class Writer

Marco Kaye

The Italian Stallion puts pen to paper.

— Listicles —

25 Facts About Me

The first fact is something most people don't know. The second fact states the obvious, which should amuse you.

— Listicles —

Stuff Fictional Characters Would Leave at My Apartment if We Broke Up

Jill Morris

The detritus of literary ex-boyfriends Dr. Jeckyll, Captain Ahab, and Humbert Humbert ...

— Listicles —

Contents of the Oval Office Whiteboard during the Final Days of the Bush Presidency

Pete Reynolds

"This Administration has gone 22 days without a major international incident."

— Listicles —

Failed Sprite Advertisements

Michael Baylis

Drink Sprite! Or don't.

— Listicles —

Now That Ridley Scott Is Attached to Adapt the Board Game Monopoly, Other Directors Follow Suit

Lincoln Michel

Tim Burton's Candy Land starring Helen Bonham Carter as Queen Frostine and Johnny Depp as Lord Licorice.

— Listicles —

New Categories on Santa's List

Mike Richardson-Bryan

Nice, but Voted for Bush Twice

— Listicles —

Cheeky-Toned Sentences Dictated (?) by Stephen Hawking, as Evidenced by the Placement of Exclamation Points in A Brief History of Time

Joe Gullo

The physicist has been known to lose his cool regarding quarks.

— Listicles —

Eleven Improbable but Nonetheless Real Baked Goods

Andrew Kiraly

Listed in Descending Order of the Amount of Puerile Imagination Required to Make them Ripe with Sexual or Scatological Innuendo.

— Listicles —

Suggested Emcee Names for People with Disorders Which Might Make It Difficult to Actually Rap

Lincoln Michel

The Notorious L.I.S.P.

— Listicles —

Top Five List of List-Related Lists

Wakiza Gamez

Meta overload for list-makers, list-lovers, and the list of list-lovers who love them.

— Features —

Infinite Playlist

Some musical listicles, so that you may rock on with your bad self.

— Listicles —

Ill-Conceived Musical Double Billings

Adam Laceky

or, Ways in Which a Booking Agent Could Get Fired

— Listicles —

Top Five Animal Pop Star Names

Brad Tucker

Rock Groups Featuring Animals but Not Eric Burdon.

— Listicles —

What Not to Give Trick-or-Treaters on Hallowe'en Night

Nathan Thornton

Crap in a pumpkin-shaped bucket. Boo.

— How To —

8 Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter Who Is Estranged from Me

Lucas Held

1. Don't hit her. Take it from me, that makes her super estrangey.

— Listicles —

Setlist: Mime Hero

Matthew Sewell

The hot new game from Activision.

— Listicles —

Y.P.R. Staff Editor Term-Paper Titles from their Years as Ph.D. Candidates at the New School for Social Research

D.R. Foster

"A Theory of Redundancy Theory"

— Listicles —

"Yo' Momma" Jokes, as Told by Nerds

Greg Boose

Your Mother is so slow she uses the ISA Slot and 1000KB of RAM.

— Etc. —

Food for Thoughtlessness

Bum Food, Hurt Waffles, & Gross Treats

— Listicles —

Hobo or Fast Food Entrée?

Chris Elzinga

Can you tell a can o' beans from a bum?

— Listicles —

Unpopular Summer Treats

Mark Peters

Delicious when it's hot.

— Listicles —

Ways of Having One's Hashbrowns That Have Been Removed from the Waffle House Repertoire for One Reason or Another

Lucas Klauss

Embarrassed (with red peppers)

— Listicles —

Questions from Val Kilmer upon Being Tapped to Provide the Voice of KITT for NBC's New Knight Rider Series

Joe Gullo

How a big-time movie actor winds up doing automotive voiceover.

— Listicles —

Rival Gangs Considered, but Ultimately Rejected, for the 1979 film The Warriors

Dan Alamia

The Watermelon Gang vs. the Satin Kings

— Listicles —

Two (2) Listicles

An itemized list of lists.

— Listicles —

More Names for Racehorses Expected to Have Undistinguished Careers

Mike Richardson-Bryan

Equine Nomenclature Gamblers Should Avoid

— Listicles —

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People I Know

Tyler Stoddard Smith

Seven tips for guaranteed success.

— Listicles —

Rejected Sympathy Card Sentiments

Dena Taylor

Sorry for your loss. I hope you got some decent casseroles.

— Etc. —

Science & Medicine

Unfortunate Typos; Musical Ailments; F.A.Q.s for Girls

— Listicles —

Unfortunate Typos in My Research Manuscript Draft

Timon Buys & Ian Wilson

"Those whore ceived treatment ..."

— Listicles —

Rock Band or Human Ailment?

David Semeniuk

Earth, Wind, and Fibromyalgia

— Listicles —

F.A.Q. Answers from The "What's Going on with My Body?" Book for Girls, by Dr. Harold Iskis, Family Research Council

Lucas Klauss

Here's where the "va-jay-jay" is.

— Listicles —

Autographed Items in Which the Item Is Precious and the Signer Is Famous but the Incongruity of Their Combination Diminishes Their Value

The game ball for Super Bowl XXIII, autographed by David Hyde Pierce

— Listicles —

Less Than Impressive Facts about Chuck Norris

Michael Baylis

Chuck Norris lives in Houston.

— Listicles —

Things I Suspect Carlos Mencia Has Stolen from Me, Other Than Jokes

Jen Statsky

My original television series concept, entitled Central Nervous System of Mencia ...

— Listicles —

So, What Is Not an International Zionist Plot?

Daniel Brauer

By President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran

— Listicles —

European Hip-Hoppers

Michael Baylis

Old World Rap.

— Listicles —

Spanish Words I Learned over Spring Break

Tyler Stoddard Smith

¡Cerveza!

— Listicles —

Over the Partition with Nary a Bounce: Home Run Calls I'd Love to Hear

Daniel McArdle

The fat lady of myth and legend may have not sung as yet, but she is most certainly humming a rather jaunty tune! [Said while tipping back boater hat and pouring out a handful of crackerjack.]

— Listicles —