J. Daniel Janzen
J. Daniel Janzen isn't ashamed to make his living as a copywriter. There's a place in this world for well-crafted press releases and compelling brochures, and besides, a dollar per word is a hell of a lot more than he made working on The Clown's Graveyard for seven years. Dan takes out his frustrations by rejecting miscellaneous submissions to Flak Magazine, and vents any remaining spleen through the indulgence of such sites as Poor Mojo's Almanac(k), Kittenpants, Über, Haypenny, and the one you're reading.
The Wrong Man’s Burden
with apologies to Rudyard Kipling. (On second thought, shouldn’t he be the one to apologize?) Take up the Wrong Man’s burden— And ne’er apologize; Just change the war’s objective And amplify your lies. There were no kites or music, Nor... 
Assignation at the Tot Lot
JACQUES: Bonjour, Madame. SALLY: Hello, Jacques. Hi, Amélie-Pierre! Look, Connor, it’s Uncle Jacques with your friend Amélie-Pierre! Can you wave, Connor? Connor, Amélie-Pierre, look at all those shovels in the sandbox! Do you want to dig with some shovels? You’re...
Concerning My Recent Submission
Dear Editor, I hesitate to bother you about this, since your writer's guidelines are very clear on the point of follow-up emails, but those same guidelines also specify a two-month response time, and it's now been five months since I...
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