George Motisher

George Motisher first achieved fame as a scientist. He set up the original double-blind study that proved conclusively which items actually did beat a poke in the eye with a sharp stick, and has recently conducted research into how socio-economic factors play a role in turning good cholesterol bad. His research results have been published in Well Known Scientific Journal and Respected International Quarterly, and he has been recognized by Prestigious Organization of World-Renowned Researchers. He became a writer as part of a study of poverty.

— Poetry & Lyric —

Frosty's Lament

George Motisher

Like burnt-out coals, no longer live,
My snow blind eyes will not revive ...

— Poetry & Lyric —

Poets’ Ghosts at Giants Games

George Motisher

William Shakespeare: Sonnet DCCXV Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Thy staff’s not shadowed with such temperance, And rough waves splash when balls land in the           bay. The summer’s tantrum heat, is it perchance The Eye of...

— Poetry & Lyric —

Rowling’s Spawn*

George Motisher

At Hogwarts School did Rowling’s spawn A stately treasure-dome decree: Where Cash, the sacred stream rushed on, Through vaulted caves with sunlight gone     Down to a deep green sea. So twice five miles of well-worn ground With walls and towers...

— Fiction —

Intellectual Property

George Motisher

From: The Law Offices of Gimmy, Moore, & Lykitt, L.L.C. Dear Mr. Foer; We have been retained by Mr. Jim Carrey in a matter of copyright infringement concerning your latest book. We refer you to this statement in paragraph one...

— Fiction —

Letter from the White House to Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum

George Motisher

The White House has recently been informed that you have created a new Nativity scene, with biblical characters being portrayed by wax sculptures of sports legends, entertainers, and political leaders. We loved Charlton Heston as Moses.

— Fiction —

At the Cover Shoot for The O’Reilly Factor for Kids

George Motisher

Deborah Feinberg, photographer. Bill O’Reilly, author/subject. Deborah: Bill! Where the hell are you? We only got twenty minutes here. O’Reilly: I was just looking for something. I had this idea. Deborah: Come on outta there. I got everything set up....

— Fiction —

Ann Coulter Consults Her Mentor

George Motisher

I’ve searched all over for cameras, and I got those egg cartons up now, so nobody can listen through the walls. I even balanced a bottle on the door knob, so we’ll know if someone jiggles it. I think it’s...

— Poetry & Lyric —

Response to E-Mail from a Princess

George Motisher

Exotic Mid-East princess! Well, Shazam! Tossed from your family’s ancient royal chair. You need my help; you’re chased, you’re on the lam; And for my aid, your regal jewels you’ll share. But do I know you will? Oh! Should...

— Fiction —

Kelley Putty!™ Fun for the Whole Family!

George Motisher

Hey, kids! Tired of boring old Silly Putty™—that gook in a plastic egg you can slap down on a comic and it picks up the image?

— Fiction —

Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam Synopsize Nicholson Baker’s Checkpoint

George Motisher

bugs: Nyaah, what’s up, doc? sam: I’m a-gonna kill that varmint president. bugs: No you’re not. sam: Yer doggone right I am. And no flea-bitten rabbit’s a-gonna stop me. bugs: Oh yeah? sam: Yeah. That no good mangy varmint’s gotta...

— Poetry & Lyric —

More Valentine Affairs of the Famous, as Revealed by Their Love Sonnets

George Motisher

Featuring: Bill Gates & Martha Stewart! Pat Robertson & Shirley MacLaine, et al. …! Michael Eisner & Minnie Mouse …? Stephen King & Condoleezza Rice …!

— Poetry & Lyric —

Valentine Affairs of the Famous, as Revealed by Their Love Sonnets

George Motisher

Featuring: Saddam Hussein & Sandra Day O’Connor! Sylvester Stallone & Meryl Streep! Laura Bush & Kim Jong-Il! Arnold Schwarzenegger & Hillary Clinton! Pope John Paul II & Anna Nicole Smith!