David John

Sneak Preview: Merchant-Ivory's Hostel INT. A GRUESOME TORTURE CHAMBER IN BRATISLAVA
CLOSE-UP: PERCY BYSSHE SHELLEY strapped naked to a decaying dentist's chair. As sweat oozes from his pores and tears fill his eyes, he screams incessantly, in the grips of extreme agony ...

Resignation Letter from an Organ Grinder's Monkey Giuseppe, We've had lots of fun these past three years at the Corner Mall. Remember when I set your hair on fire? How about that time I gave you Hepatitis C? So much shared history to treasure. It's not that...

Waiting Room Always in that stupid blue suit. (Same one every time? His FRIDAY suit? What a loser.) And the rouge-red Kmart tie. Mr. Middle Management. I loathe his kind. Thinks he's too good for the rest of us. I'd like to take him down a peg.

Phone Call Informing the New Nobel Prize Winner in Physics of His Award, Shortly after He's Had a Breakdown and Reverted to a Childlike State, as KISS Alive Plays in the Background "Hello, professor? Stockholm here. You've won the Nobel Prize for your work on the heat-death of the universe."
Stars are pretty.
"Yes, well said."

Godzilla vs. Godzilla A chance meeting in a crowded sports bar . . . Godzilla: Oh my God, you're Godzilla--the baseball player! Hideki Matsui: Oh my God, you're Godzilla--the giant monster! G: My kid watches all your games on TV. H.M: My kid...

Kafka + 2 Discarded from Early Drafts of Kafka’s Metamorphosis

Memo to Human Resources Regarding the recent complaint lodged by “C” (and we all know it’s Caroline from accounting), I feel compelled to offer this point-by-point response.

Three Quick Ones Really Tough Improv Suggestions