Author (#2)

Gobble, Gobble The sporadic posts of late probably tell you everything that you're about to read. We've taken Thanksgiving a little early this year. We need the break to clean up all of these goddamn batons. We hope that you all have...

Tell ’Em How You Really Feel Has your son or daughter found that special someone? Have you spent endless hours and days with your in-law to be planning the “perfect wedding”? Have you had to swallow your own opinions because you know you have to spend...

Hear Ye, Hear Ye! Please make a note: Print Submissions are due June 30th and that's sooner than you think. The days fly by. It's true; we checked....

Knock, Knock Who's there? Website that has gone on vacation for a bit and won't be posting until Tuesday. Website that has gone on vacation for a bit and won't be posting until Tuesday who? Website that has gone on vacation for...

Gutenberg? Spinning In His Grave Y.P.R. is expanding into the world of print. Want to be a part of it? Go ahead and read this. Then, submit....

Extra! Extra! Read All About It! Moronic Online Lit Journal to Go Print! Unsinkable Boat Hits Iceberg! Extra! Ladies, gentlemen, and those of indeterminate origin: Yankee Pot Roast, the literary journal of humor and satire (and the website at which you're currently looking), is preparing for the introductory issue of our brand-spanking-new PRINT EDITION (tentatively titled, Yankee Pot...

Dear Kind and Patient Readers While one-third of our editorial juggernaut begins principal shooting on his first motion picture, two-thirds of us were away on a long vacation, and as such, you've noticed things have been reasonably bare around here. As always, we're sorry for...

You'll Always Be a Part of Me Naked Eyes rip off Burt Bacharach.

Hale and Hearty "Party Party" from Party Party

Table For Two (Morons) Putting aside the egregious health code violation that comes with allowing a cat to dine at your restaurant for the moment, why would he use a fork to scratch his nose? He's got claws, for God's sake. Also, when are...

Out for Justice "A Golfer Rings Steven Seagal's Doorbell ..." by Geoff Wolinetz over at Cracked....

Video Killed The Y.P.R. Star "The Ausherman Stories" by Stephen Ausherman have been filmed, edited and posted over at Mr. Ausherman's site. Please head over and check them out. Bring a kugel. And tuck your shirt in....

And the Winner Is ... Your humble coëditor, Geoff Wolinetz, will be reading with Dennis DiClaudio at the Me Three Oscar Bash this Sunday, March 5 at 7 p.m. It will take place at Croxley's Ale House at 28 Avenue B in Manhattan. If you...

Everybody's Just Like You “That’s Good” by Devo from the album Oh, No! It’s Devo Second Week of November, 1982 I don't know how Mark Motherbaugh feels about the fact that every song that he's ever sung is compared to the only one that...

Hail To The Chief Hey Y.P.R. faithful, Just dropping a quick note to let you know that we haven't upped and gone. We're just taking a short breather in honor of Presidents' Day. We've got a lot of respect for most of them. Anyway,...

He Sees You When You're Eating His Cookies, You Pudgy Bastard Garfield, still wearing Santa's stolen hat, now consumes Santa's cookies. To add insult to injury, he does it under the cover of Santa's hat! Santa knows if you've been bad or good, you fat fuck. Stop screwing with him....

Jim Davis Probably Made Ten Times My Yearly Salary for These Ten Words The enterprising cat has hijacked Santa's hat, returning only in exchange for his desired gifts. Garfield obviously is unfamiliar with Santa's M.O. (giving toys to children who have been nice, not those who steal his hat). My guess is the...

This Will Be The Week That Will Be Your humble coëditor, Geoff Wolinetz, makes a mockery of the coming week. "Incoming! December 5, 2005," at The Black Table....

Wherefore Art Thou, Y.P.R.? Well, it appears we've pulled one of our trademark disappearing acts again. We do this from time to time without warning and for no apparent reason. This serves one of two purposes: 1) To create an abuser/enabler relationship with our...

Jon Is Fooled by a Three-Dollar Bill, or Maybe He's as Gay as One The cat, which nothing up his sleeve, is accused of treachery. Instead of merely walking away the better, he kicks the idiot dog off of the table, feeling obligated to do something. We're not laughing, you know....

A Play In One Act Jon: I'm glad to have you as a pet. Garfield: Don't touch me. Y.P.R.: Please stop producing this....

Happy Hallowe'en! Y.P.R HQ has had a bag of dog crap thrown on its door by our former best friend. After screaming, "You shit on my house, man! You shit on my house" at him, we've taken to the task of cleaning...

Y.P.R Is Kind of Crazy with a Spooky Little Reader Like You Recycled, but relevant: Please check out The Bone-Chilling, Spine-Tingling, Hair-Raising, Bloodcurdling Hallowe'en House of Horror from way back in 2003. Oooooooooh! Mwhahahahahahah....

Is This Shit Supposed to Be Funny? The dog tells Garfield to go away. Garfield does. Are you kidding me?...

The Dog Should Have Killed Garfield The cat plays on the fragile psyche of a self-described "mean" dog. The cat revels in his own "meanness." I die a little inside....

32°F or Jon's IQ: Which Is Higher? The fish is missing and Garfield is next to the fishbowl. Where on Earth could the fish possibly be? Don't worry. Rather than leaving it to the scholars to debate this Holmesian mystery, Jim Davis solves it for us. Thank...

And Funky Winkerbean Languishes in Obscurity We're not sure what's more disturbing: the fact that this obese cat can take down an entire hamburger in one quick bite or that Jim Davis is still getting paid real American dollars to have this slapdash, idiotic piece of...

Staring into the Abyss The owner, who appears to have less and less to live for with each passing day, waxes aloud about his seemingly interminable day. The cat, whose laziness is surpassed only by his disdain for his human counterpart, suggests that the...

Doing Our Part Y.P.R. faithful, We're rarely serious (ask our parents, bosses, wives, fiancées, roommates and the people at Starbucks who correct us when we insist upon ordering a "large" coffee rather than bow to their needlessly complicated coffee-ordering nomenclature), but there are...

The Puck Stops Here Your humble coëditor, Geoff Wolinetz, breaks down the new N.H.L. in "They're Puttin' On the Foil!" over at "La Mesa Negra." Lace up your skates and have a read....

We'll Be Right Back after a Quick Word from Our Sponsors . . . Hello Y.P.R-keteers! We just wanted to poke our heads in the room for a moment to let you know that Y.P.R. will be back with brand-spanking-new content on August 15, 2005. For now, please peruse our copious archives of content...

I Could Simonize My Car Things That Take Equal or Less Time Than My Mother's Hair Appointment (6 Hours) Kenya’s Robert Cheruiyot can run the Boston Marathon two and a half times. [2003 championship time: 2 hours, 10 minutes, 11 seconds.] The S.S. Minnow can...