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Karl Rove's Ringside Boasts by Michael RottmanIt ain't braggin' if you're a Republican.
Selections from The Golden Girls Exhibit, Part I: The Old Masters
Selected masterworks from The Golden Girls Exhibit, arriving at New York's Metropolitan Museum of Art this September. 
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Die Hard Police Officer John McClane Prepares His Cover Letter for Admission to an M.F.A. in Creative Writing by John HarnetiauxLook, I'll level with ya: I'm not writing this goddamned essay for any reason other than my wife Holly, so let's get that fuckin' straight right now. Holly said something like, "John, you gotta get in touch with your imagination, John, you gotta express yourself more," and I was like, "What the shit you think I've been doing my last 20 years as a cop?!" ... [ ... More!]
Icky Thumping
The White Stripes at the Hotel Yorba by Mr Steve Finbow, part of his excellent but occasional series,Pop Stars in Hotel Rooms.
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Coming Soon(-ish)
Mr. Josh Abraham, your humble coëditor, had been mostly absent from this site for much of the past year, busy making a moving picture (or "talkie" as the kids are calling them these days)...
¡Los Bastardos Anónimos!
From the Y.P.R. mailbag: SUBJECT: what the hell man you stole my internet name I am so frikin mad I am going to eat this whole bag of cheetos and cry in my closet GOD! just kinda felt the urge...
Celebrate Your Independence, Take Care of Your Digits
The founding fathers of Y.P.R. would like to take this moment to celebrate long weekends with no day jobs, literary tomfoolery, and the last call for submissions for Y.P.R. Print! Bring us your tired, your dirty, your utterly hilarious....
Will Pimp for Props
Got a band, a Web site, a book, a store, a clothing line, or anything else to promote? We need to dress dozens of N.Y.C. apartments for our film, American Standard, and would be happy to feature whatever props you...
Once There Was a Day
"Let Me Go" by Heaven 17 from the album The Luxury Gap Third week of December, 1982 These little passages that we attach to these Shreek generally either invoke a memory or some interpretation of the song or even something...
Read to the Death
Tonight your humble coëditor, Geoff Wolinetz, will read to the death at The Sweet Fancy Moses Literary Death Match Monday, March 13, 2006, 7:30 p.m. The Back Room, New York City, N.Y. 102 Norfolk St. @ Delancey St. (212) 228-5098...
Make That "Borrow"
"Other Overwrought Acceptance Speeches" by Teddy Wayne "Thank You, Thank You, Thank You" by Zev Borow, The New York Times, Sunday, March 5, 2006 . . . Anyway, more Academy Award related stuff: "Acceptance Speech" by Michael J. Ewing "The...
The Other Side of Yuck
"The Other Side of Love" by Yazoo, from (we think) the single, "The Other Side of Love" First week of December, 1982 Imagine the sweetly infectious synth beat of Depeche Mode's "Just Can't Get Enough", except instead of Martin Gore's...
Father Wears His Sunday Best
"Our House" by Madness, from the album Presents the Rise & Fall Fourth week of November, 1982 Elbows pumping, horns a-blarin', this song is like a nostalgia march. It makes you homesick for a house you never had -- the...
Poetry in Motion
"She Blinded Me with Science" by Thomas Dolby from the album The Golden Age of Wireless First Week of November, 1982 "Mr. Dolby loses faith in Science and all things Scientific." Or so says the final written slide in the...
Aaron Burr and Dick Cheney
Who are two vice presidents who've shot someone? Recycled but relevant: "Excerpts from Dick Cheney's Duck-Hunting Journal" by Vince LiCata...
This Generation Rules the Nation
"Pass the Dutchie" by Musical Youth from the album Youth of Today First Week of November, 1982 This song will never die due to its infectious bass line and simple but digestible lyrics. A song that was essentially a rip-off...
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Prediction: 17 Posts and He's Outta There
Ducky Magazine (on "hiatus") (parenthtetical note) (on "hiatus") I Am the Stallion (defunct) Dostoevsky Is Dead (defunct) Behold: Dennis DiClaudio dot com...
See Me a Big Woman
"Kiss of Life" by Peter Gabriel from the album Security Fifth Week of October, 1982 Let's settle the "Who was the better member of Genesis" argument right now. If I were an attorney (I'm not), I feel like this would...
She's Gone Electric
"Annie Get Your Gun" by Squeeze (released as a single, but) from the album Singles 45's and Under Fourth week of October, 1982. This is Squeeze's second hit single named after a Broadway show, the other being, obviously, Goodbye Girl....
Opium.Weekend
All-Star Gala & Battle of the Literary Gladiators...
Top 40 Castoff from a Record Stand
"Walking in L.A." by Missing Persons, from the album Spring Session M. Third week of October, 1982. Sad to say, the dignified Christopher Walken is not the focus of this song. Nay! Instead with this track, Missing Persons provided the...
Like a Pigeon from Hell
"Back on the Chain Gang" by the Pretenders, from the album Learning to Crawl Second Week of October, 1982 I've said it once and I'll say it again: If there were a statistic measuring "Looks to Talent" Ratio, Chrissie Hynde...
Full of Strange Arrangements
"The Look of Love (Part One)" by ABC from the album The Lexicon of Love Second week of October, 1982 It takes but one listen to "The Look of Love (Part One)" to realize that this ABC is entirely different...
Monkey Shock
"Shock the Monkey" by Peter Gabriel from the album Security. Third week of September, 1982 Peter Gabriel. What a rotten son of a bitch. I always wondered why a man would prod the masses to shock a monkey. What the...
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I Don't Wanna Hear That Song No More
"Jukebox (Don't Put Another Dime)" by the Flirts, from the album 10 Cents a Dance Fourth week of September, 1982 If the rock gods were ever to bring their dire contempt for new wave and early-80s pop music to litigation,...
Slow, Slow, Quick, Quick, Slow
"Dancing in Heaven (Orbital Be-Bop)" by Q-Feel, from the album Q-Feel Second week of September, 1982 Full disclosure: I had to look up this song because the name "Q-Feel" is as familiar to me as the terrain of southern Zimbabwe;...
Poor Old Johnny Ray
"Come On Eileen", by Dexy's Midnight Runners, from the album Too-Rye-Ay First week of September, 1982 I never really know what to make of this song. It reminds me of drunken Irishmen. Now, don't go calling the A.C.L.U. or the...
Mesh & Lace
"I Melt With You" by Modern English, from the album After the Snow Fourth week of August, 1982. Is there anything better than Brits who employ synthesizers as the backbone of their music? The answer is there are an infinite...
Leave the TV and the Radio Behind
"Steppin' Out" by Joe Jackson, from the album Night and Day. Third week of August, 1982 It surprises me that people work themselves into a froth when music that they loved (one-hit wonder or otherwise) gets bought up by some...
Talk2
"Talk Talk" by Talk Talk, from the album The Party's Over. Second week of August, 1982 You've got to love bands with eponymous songs, begging the chicken-or-the-egg question of which was named after what. Talk Talk dropped the meta-ball in...
Smell Like I Sound
"Hungry Like the Wolf" by Duran Duran, from the album Rio. First Week of August, 1982 They were one of the biggest bands of the decade, even penning the theme to a Bond film (although it was Roger Moore's last...
Partout Que Je Ne Suis Pas
"Everywhere That I'm Not" by Translator, from the album Heartbeats and Triggers Fifth week of July, 1982. This song stinks. It's annoying in the most jangly way possible. Try these lyrics: "'Cause you're in New York, but I'm not /...
Do You Hear Me? Do You Care?
"Words" by Missing Persons, from the album Spring Session M. Fourth week of July, 1982. Annoying, annoying, annoying. And if you sing it in your head, eventually you find the melody and lyrics drifting toward "Walking in L.A.", Missing Persons'...
Bringing You the Best New Music of 1982
The literary journal begets an MP3 blog: Y.P.R.'s WLIR/WDRE Shreek-of-the-Week of the Day Right click, Save Target/Link As....
Abre los Ojos
"Open Your Eyes" by the Lords of the New Church, from the album Lords of the New Church. Third week of July, 1982. Yes. This song is awesome. It's industrial-dance goth rock that's "political" without any real political comment. All...
Y.P.R.'s WLIR/WDRE Shreek-of-the-Week of the Day
Two years ago today, WLIR ((f.k.a. WDRE) 92.7 FM, from Garden City, Long Island) signed off the airways the last time, its parent company switching its playlist to Spanish music. By that time, WLIR had evolved into a Top 40...
That Crazy Casbah Sound
"Rock the Casbah" by the Clash, from the album Combat Rock. Second week of July, 1982. "Rock the Casbah" is, hands down, the Clash's worst song. It's funny and interesting and it's got cool sound effects and it's sort-of-but-not-really offensive--which...
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Photographic documentation of a Pabst delivery to the Pulitzer Prize offices. |
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What a Turkey
The human catches the cat attempting to steal the turkey. These antics delight 260 million readers worldwide every day. Four percent of the planet. They love it....
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May We Use Your Loo?
Your humble coëditor, Josh Abraham, will be directing an independent feature film. It's called American Standard, and will star these extraoridnarily talented, funny, beautiful people. But we need places in which to put them! In The Can Production is seeking...
Crap in Three Panels, for Almost Three Decades
Bro, this Jon dude is so totally whack....
Adventures in Primatology
Jon kisses a monkey, lets his tongue aerate as his dumb dog does....
Jim Davis's First Dick Joke
After stalking the cute perfume tester at the mall, Jon is sprayed with Eau de Sauerkraut, which, as the cat points out, goes well with wieners. (Get it? Wieners!)...
Macho Nacho
Jon ingests huge quantities of nachos to impress a girl who works in a bowling alley. Sadder than it is nauseating....
This Comic Strip Depresses the Shit out of Me
Jon, desparate for any living attention, tells his pet of the cute girl he met at the supermarket. Sad, I know. Sadder still: the cat only cares whether its master bought doughnuts. I bet the supermarket checkout girl didn't even...
The Y.P.R. Book Club hereby selects the entire canon of Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
Dog Licks Cone & Cat
With one literal tongue lashing, the stupid dog licks all the wicked cat's ice cream. And fur....
Get It? Because He Ate the Bird
Jon spots a single, yellow feather. "Is that a canary feather?" he asks. Garfield says, "Not anymore." This is supposedly hilarious....
Some Things Are Best Left Unsaid
Jon dates a mime, reiterates his date's choking/gagging gestures for his pet....
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Punting Odie, Pointing at All of Us
Cat kicks dog off table, blames world cruelty....
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Pavlov Is Shuffling in His Urn
Garfield begins salivating at the ring of a doorbell. When Jon presents the pizza delivered, Garfield's wet himself with anticipatory spittle....
This One Really Sucks
Jon is chillin' in the backyard's inflatable pool, sipping from a glass of ice water. Garfield, perspiring, sucks so hard on the drinking straw of Jon's beverage that the poolwater is sucked up through Jon's pores and, somehow, into the...
Donor Secrecy
I am the head of a private investigations company. We have been approached by a woman whose 4-year-old child was conceived through an anonymous sperm donor. She wants us to locate the donor so that when her child turns 18, she can tell her who her biological father is. May we ethically take the case?
S.P., New York
Listen, dick: anonymous sperm donors are either junkies seeking fast cash or perverts seeking cheap thrills, if not perverted junkies seeking both. Women who resort to sperm donors are just old-fashioned ugly. Best bet is for you to take this cow's cash and tell her the bastard's pop died a war hero.
S.P., New York
Listen, dick: anonymous sperm donors are either junkies seeking fast cash or perverts seeking cheap thrills, if not perverted junkies seeking both. Women who resort to sperm donors are just old-fashioned ugly. Best bet is for you to take this cow's cash and tell her the bastard's pop died a war hero.
Curiosity Killed Something Else
Jon thinks cats are curious. Garfield demonstrates that he isn't....
The Cat Lies
The cat explains that, to the human's untrained eye, resting might look like nothing. But it's different....
Perhaps the Other End Is a Garfield Phone
Jon sets a milestone: 200 rings on the other end of an unanswered phone....
